ABS LEMANIFIK
©DEV VIRAHSAWMY AND ICJM
[ENN KOSMAR KOMIK]
( Version Abreze)
Bann Personaz Reel: Nou Tou.
Bann personaz senbolik: ABS, ZED, FIFI, KLOUN, FIDOU, TIGAR, MARI, FAM, BOYFRENN, GERLFRENN, BANN SIPER-MINI-ABS, BANN MINI-ABS, TOUTSORT KALITE DIMOUN, PROPRIYETER LONGVI, MARSAN SORBE, MARSAN DALPOURI, MARSAN FOTO, ETSETERA, ETSETERA …
SENN 1
Enn plas piblik. Ler rido leve, lasenn vid net. Enn lafoul dimoun sort dan loditwar galoupe an dezord, mont lor lasenn. Bouskilad, dimoun tonbe. Boukou mouvman, boukou tapaz.
No 1: Eta vans twa! Pa bar sime.
No 2: To tro mari twa? Faner!
No 1: Taler mo kas to lagel!
No 2: Seye!
No 3: Aaachoum! (Li mous so nene.)
No 2: Aret fann to mikrob!
No 1:Vey to zafer!
No 4: Tansion mo beki! Ou pou fer mwa perdi lekilib.
No 5: Ki lekilib to pe koze? (Li ris beki la, No 4 tonbe.) Bien bon pou twa. … Eta fam al vann to marsandiz enn lot plas! Pa fer lagign isi.
No 6: Fer lagign? Yer swar to ti koz enn lot koze.
No 5: Ti pey twa pou sa. Dayer li ti gagn enn gou rans.
No 6: Rans pa rans to pou revini.
No 5: To pey mwa ‘si tro ser.
No 6: Koz touzour bonom. Ant seki dir ek seki fer …
No 1: Donn mwa enn dam ar twa.
No 3: To pa per mo mikrob?
No 2: Krever!
No 1: Twa bous to lagel!
No 4: Dir li rann mwa mo beki.
No 5: Vinn sers li tomem, vilen bachara.
No 6: Wey, samem to bon. Fer dominer ar seki feb. Lagel gran. Touleres tipti.
No 5: Eta move laryaz, ki to dir?
No 6: Rann li so beki. Zis aswar ki to bizen beki twa.
No 5: Ki to dir? Ki to dir?
No 6: Pa koz for. Taler mo larg to pese.
No 5: Kisannla pou kwar twa move laryaz.
No 1: Ki arive? Li bizen beki aswar?
No 5: Twa vey to zafer.
No 1: Bien bizen vey to zafer. Li tro tipti, li kapav perdi.
No 5: To’le mo kas to lagel?
No 2: Wey do, fann ar li.
No 3: Aaachoum! (Li mous so nene.)
No 4: Rene, Rene mous so nene al vakarne.
No 3: Get sa lever la ranpe! Ki arive, to peyna lipie pou marse?
No 6: Li omwen, mem so lipie pa bon, lezot zafer marse. Li pa bizen beki aswar.
No 3: Twa ki twa?
No 6: Aret fer to zess. Twa, zis to nene ki koule.
No 5: Li kouma enn krab avarye.
No 7: (Li pe zwe lagitar, sante.)
“Poz to lalev lor mo poem
Fer mo sante vinn eternel.
Poz to lalev lor mo lavi
Fer mo la … … …”
Non! Non! Non! Li pa bon!
No 5: To pa bon! To pa bon! … Aret fatig zorey dimoun.
No 6: Les li trankil. Li omwen, li kone ki li anvi.
No 7: “Poz to lalev lor mo poem
Fer mo poem vinn imortel.”
No 3: Ase radote ta gopia!
No 7: “Poz to lalev lor mo poem
Fer mo sante vinn eternel.
Poz to lalev lor mo lamour
Fer mo lavi vinn imortel.”
Mo kwar mo’nn gagn li. … Wi, … fer mo lavi vinn imortel.
No 1: Ras so lagitar! Li pe tro amerd tou dimoun.
No 2: Wey, nou fann ar li!
No 3,4,5: Fer li manz so lagitar!
No 6: Fou li lape, mo dir zot.
No 7: Mo lagitar, mo lagitar! Pa fer sa, zot pou dezakord li.
No 1: Tann li koze! ‘Dezakord’. Ki dezakord? Ala pou twa!
No 2: Pas ar mwa, mo met enn gorl.
No 7: Pa fer sa! Zot pe kas li.
No 3: Aaachoum! Akonpagn mo terne.
No 6: Donn sa isi bann sovaz. … Rann li so lagitar. Rann li mo dir zot.
No 2: Vinn pran li si to kapav. … Chooou! To’nn rate. … Ala li laba!
No 4: Li ar mwa aster. … Vinn sers li mo zoli. Vini! Vini! Vini! … Kout, kout, kout, kout, kooout, kout! … Non, li nepli la, … li laba!
No 5: Eta langra, to’si to rod zwe?
No 8: M mm mmmmm mo s sss sssss si mmmm mo ‘le zzzzz zou zzzwe …
No 5: Ala beze! Tou bann andikape pe vinn kas soulezon!
No 6: Zot bien ansam.
No 8: P ppppp Pa … pa pa pa
No 1: Ki papa to pe rode?
No 8: PPPPP Pas sss mommmmmmm bbbb bou boul lllll la
No 4: Eta to pa kapav koz kouma ttt tootou … dddd di mmm moun. Ala beze! Mo pe vinn gaga.
No 7: Get ki zot pe fer! Rann lagitar la.
No 6: Hen, pran to lagitar. Sorti isi. Pa enn plas pou twa sa.
No 8: K kkk kasssss ssss sou llll lezon.
No 5: Tomem kaser soulezon.
No 1: Wey, kas so lagel.
No 3: Aaaaach … choum
No 4: Aret fann to mikrob!
No 3: Vey to zafer!
No 1: Taler mo kas to lagel!
No 2: Seye si to kapav!
No 3: Aaaaaaaachoum!
No 4: Rann mwa mo beki!
No 5: Vinn sers li tomem! … Bachara!
No 6: Zot ankor deryer midi.
No 7: Get ki zot finn fer ar mo lagitar!
No 8: Pa … pa .. pp kkkk kkkk k…
No 1: To dis finn reye?
No 6: Zot pa onte.
No 7: Poz to lalev lor mo poem.
No 6: To pe dir sa ar mwa?
No 7: Fer mo sante vinn imortel.
No 5: Les li trankil. … Li fer lamour ar so labous.
No 6: Ferm to labous! Sa ‘si to pa kapav fer.
No 3: Aaaaaachoooooooooom!
No 5: Ala li rekoumanse.
No 2: Aret fann to mikrob.
No 1: Mo finn plen! Mo finn plen!
No 2: Mo’si.
No 3: Mo plis ki plen.
No 4: Mo’si.
No 5: Tou dimoun plen.
No 8: Mmmmmm Mo ppp plllll plllllll.
No 4: Korek nou finn konpran.
No 8: BBBB … bbbbbbb … be
No 1: Ki pou fer?
No2: Ki pou fer?
No 3: Abe ki pou fer?
No 4: Dir mwa ki pou fer?
No 5: Kisannla kone ki pou fer?
No 8: BBbbb … bbbbb
No 3: To ankor ar to b … b … b.
No 1: Personn pa kone ki bizen fer?
No 2: Ki bizen fer?
No 3: Aaaaachoooooum! Ki bizen fer?
No 4: Wey, ki bizen fer?
No 8: B… be …bi…
No 5: Wey ki bizen fer?
No 8: BBBB … bi … bizzzzzzzz ..
No 1: Ayo BonDie! Ki bizen fer?
No 8: B … bi …. B.b ,bizen … nnn .. enn … s ..ssssss sover.
No 1: Ki li pe dir?
No 5: Bizen enn sover.
No 3: Ki sover?
No 2: Enn sover ta!
No 4: Ki sover li pe dir?
No 1: Pa kone.
No 4: Li pe dir bizen enn sover.
No 1: Enn sover!
No 2: Bizen enn sover?
No 3: Bizen enn sover?
No 4: Bizen enn sover!
No 5: Bizen enn sover!
No 1: Bizen enn sover!
Toudimoun: Bizen enn sover! Bizen enn sover! Bizen enn sover! (Zot sant: Bizen enn sover/Degaze do/Bizen enn sover.)
(Zekler, loraz. Enn gran tapaz mekanik. Tou dimoun panik. Dimoun galoup dan tou direksion. Bouskilad. Tapaz la vinn pli for. Tou dimoun zet lekor anba. Zot pe tranble kouma fey. Zis No 6 ek 7 res dibout ek get dan direksion kot tapaz la sorti. Tapaz la vinn infernal. Tou dimoun bous zorey. Enn dimoun an redingot ek sapo oform desann dan enn laparey grinse-grinse. Li sorti dan laparey la. Li peyna laz, li peyna vizaz ou plito li ena tou laz ek tou vizaz. Li deborde ar lenerzi. Li dibout e get zot ar enn sourir paternalis. Li apel ABS.)
ABS: Ki arive bann zanfan? Zot finn perdi zot lalang? Koumsa ki zot akeyir zot bienfeter?
No 8: Be … b bbbbb be … bbbe
No 1: Bous to labous ta. Taler li pou kwar nou tou kabri isi.
No 2: Fann ar li!
No 3: Aaaaachoum! Pardon!
No 4,5: Shuuuuuuuut! Aret fann mikrob. Misie la pou amerde.
No 3: Be mo anrime.
No 4: Rann mwa mo beki.
(Enn brouhaha napa badine. Tou dimoun rekoumans koze anmemtan.)
ABS: (Otoriter) Silaaaaaans! (silans konple) Mo’le enn silans konple san tapaz. … Twa kouma to apele?
No 8: Nnnnn … nnnnim … rrrrro
No 5: Li apel No 8.
ABS: Sannla, sannla, sannla?
No 5: 2,3,4.
ABS: Twa?
No 5: No 5.
ABS: Lezot?
No 5: Zot pankor gagn nimero.
ABS: Ah maler. Mo ti kone ena problem. Me pa per; mwa ABS mo ena solision pou zot problem. ABSOLIMAN! Sakenn pou gagn so nimero. Rapel! Nimero li endispansab pou ki sakenn konn so idantite, so rasinn, so lavenir. Enn sans mo la! … Twa laba, kifer to pe dibout?
No 6: Mo pas mo lavi lor mo ledo. Kan kiksoz extra arive mo prefer diboute. Kas routinn!
ABS: Koste la! Les mo yam to vizaz ek to eksetera.
No 7: Fifi, pa koste ar li. Enn mazisien danzere sa.
FIFI: Pa per twa!
ABS: Kouma to apele?
FIFI: No 6.
ABS: Enn bien zoli nom. … Pou enn bien zoli lekor. Vinn pli pre, less mo vwar twa enn gro gorze. … Li kisannla li?
FIFI: Ki li?
ABS: Li, laba.
FIFI: No 7.
ABS: Li pa konn koze?
FIFI: Zis kan neseser li koze e ler li koze zoli parol sorti.
No 5: Fos! Li koz ninport.
ABS: Silaaaaaans!
No 5: Wi gran sef!
ABS: Apre sa aret apel mwa gran sef. Mo apel ABS… A…B…S. ABS Lemanifik. Me ABS pou tou dimoun. Tou dimoun egal. Zis mwa ki siperyer.
No 5: Wi Gran Sef ABS. … Gran Sef ABS … Pa ankoler Gran Sef ABS. Dir nou kot ou sorti, kifer ou la. Pa ankoler.
ABS: Ditou, mo garson. Dibout! (Tou dimoun dibout) Non! Zis No 5 dibout! Lezot, plat anba. No 5, to intelizan. Mo kontan twa. Giji, giji! Depi lontan mo pe yam zot depi mo niaz. Ler mo trouve zot pe rod mwa mo desann, mo vini. Senp!
No 6: Nou rod ou?
ABS: Yes my girl.
No 3: Aaachouuuuum! Limem nou sover
(Tou dimoun koumans sante: Limem nou sover/ Limem nou sover … etc. Zot diboute, sante, danse, tap tanbour. Kafouyaz zeneral.)
ABS: Stop! Chombo! Arete! Disiplinn zanfan! Disiplinn! Atennsionn! Met lalinn. (Tou dimoun met lalinn apart No 7.) … Twa No 7, to pa met lalinn. To tro spesial twa. Taler mo koup to … sipa ki ete. Me pa traka. To pou sanze. Mo pou fer twa sanze. Pa vre li pou sanze? Vre pa vre?
TOU DIMOUN: Laverite, li pou sanze. (Zot rekoumans sante, danse: Laverite li pou sanze/ Laverite li pou sanze.)
ABS: Silaaaaaaansssssss! Amenn mwa dan mo pale. (Zot met li lor zot zepol, sarye li lao-lao, sant ‘limem nou sover’ sorti. Res zis No 6 ek 7 lar lasenn.)
No 7: (Li pe sey repar so lagitar.) Li’nn fouti!
FIFI: Zed, kifer to pa fer kouma tou dimoun? Swiv mwa, nou al ansam ar zot. … To pe ekout mwa?
ZED: Mo bizen aranz enn lot lagitar. … Enn kote li bon sannla finn kase. So son ti enpe maf. Depi lontan mo ti bizen aranz enn lot.
FIFI: Lagitar! Lagitar! Peyna zis lagitar dan lavi.
ZED: To rapel, FIFI. Mo papa ti donn mwa sa … ti montre mwa zwe. Bonom la ti enn zwer. Mo sey mars lor so tras. So soulie tro gran pou mwa.
FIFI: To lamizik zoli Zed.
ZED: Pa osi zoli ki lamizik mo papa. Ena boukou aprann reste pou aprann. Mo pou ariv so oter enn zour. Me bizen zefor, travay, pratik. Bizen enn nouvo lagitar.
FIFI: Pli tar nou koz sa. La ena enn problem. Tou dimoun finn antour nouvo sef, samem ABS. Zis twa ek mwa andeor. Ena kees ladan.
ZED: Get sa FIFI, swiv to leker. Si li dir twa swiv li, be swiv li. Pa get mwa.
FIFI: Be kan twa to pou swiv mwa?
ZED: Ki to’le dir?
FIFI: Tou bann zom swiv mwa kouma mo lonbraz, twa to ignor mwa mem kan mo sipliy twa swiv mwa. Mo lekor pa atir twa?
ZED: Nou lespri pa’nkor zwenn.
FIFI: Lespri zwenn? Ala to rekoumans to kouyonad. Kifer to pa fer kouma lezot, kouma bann nimero?
ZED: Mo pa enn nimero, enn bout papie dan sak tirazosor.
FIFI: Be ki to ole?
ZED: Nanye! … Tou! … Non. Pa kone.
FIFI: To enn pagla, twa.
(Li pran sime sorti. Ler li pre pou disparet …)
ZED: Fifi!
FIFI: Wi!
ZED: Twa’si to pa enn nimero, enn bout papie dan sak tirazosor.
(Fifi lev so zepol, sorti.)
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